A Reason, A Season Or A Lifetime

A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON... It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realise is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON... Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amountof joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Adele "Rolling in the Deep"

This is an artist I'm kind of digging...

"Rolling In The Deep"

There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch, and it's bringing me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship there

See how I'll leave with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do

There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch
And it's bringing me out the dark

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

Baby, I have no story to be told
But I've heard one of youA
nd I'm gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Making a home down there
As mine sure won't be shared

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
But you played it with a beating

Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)

We could have had it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
It all, it all, it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

You could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
But you played it
You played it
You played it
You played it to the beat.

Our New Chapter

So instead of tackling my already rather large pile of marking, accumulated in a few weeks, I have decided to spend some of prep blogging. Afterall, it's been awhile (four months or so). In case you were concerned, all's well.

In fact, all's better than well. Things are good, and it's mostly been due to a change in perspective. I have, through all of this, kept my chin up and plowed through. And I knew I would come out on the other side just fine. And here I am. More than fine. The biggest and best change has been a change in the way I began looking at what happened to me. I've taken on a glass half full philosophy about everything, and staying positive has truly helped me gain so much distance on where I was when last I posted.

So where am I? Happily dating, for one. I have been in a relationship for nearly two months now, and it is going incredibly well. There are many things that are evident in my current relationship that were missing from my marriage, especially from the last few years. I am smiling. I am having fun. And that is what is most important. Chris is someone I knew, though vaguely, from my years spent with Greg. And, coincidentally, we recently figured out that we were seated at the very same table at a wedding less than a year and a half ago. He has been very supportive and caring, but I think the most redeeming quality he has shown thus far has been respect. I will likely blog more about this relationship as it grows, obviously, so for now I'll say I am just enjoying each day as it comes, living in the moment and living for the moments, with Chris and with my boys.

Speaking of which, the boys, as they've always been, have been incredibly resilient. They are truly flourishing. I never thought, when first separated, that I would be okay with the situation only because I wanted so badly for the boys to have a "normal" family, but I quickly realized maybe Greg and I were not meant to be, and that would be okay for the boys. Not to say I didn't love him, nor that I never afterwards had moments of disappointment. I am not in the least bit ashamed to have loved someone and been devastated by the dissolve of our marriage. But Greg and I have grown so far apart that I can't even envision us having a friendship, sadly. (Though again, for the sake of positivity, I am going to leave all Greg-related topics off the blog...) And having gained months of ground on things, I have also learned that what I thought I was feeling may not have been as strong as I thought at the time.

Anyhow, our living conditions have been thrown curve ball after curve ball, and we've waded through it all as best we can. The biggest change for my boys has been of recent as they are now at daycare, thriving (despite being sick more often than not, but that would be a blog post for the negative Natalie, so let's leave that one alone as I focus more on positivity). I hear nothing but great things from the daycare providers when I pick them up, and I can't convey enough how satisfying it is to know that I am raising them right, in that regard. I truly do try to be the best possible mom. My favourite moments are the ones we spend laughing, just being together on a daily basis. I am very fortunate to be able to have them so often, though Greg and I have been trying a more consistent pattern of him having his time with them too. That's likely been the hardest thing for me, because I never signed up to be a part-time parent and I don't want to miss out on moments in their lives. But I would never deny Greg access to his children, so long as he wants it, and my boys need their father - regardless of how I think or feel toward/about him, or the decisions he makes - in their lives. I have held to that notion this entire time. Being without them is sometimes agonizing though, and it's difficult to pass an entire weekend missing out on spending time with them. Thankfully so far I've been busy with skating, so my mind is often preoccupied. They change so often, though, so maybe weekends with their dad will be easier to deal with when they're older?

Isaiah, for example, is half-way through JK, and I notice new feats accomplished daily. He is a colouring fiend at present, creating masterpieces at every opportunity. I will be astonished if he doesn't pursue some creative avenue for his career later in life. He has made progress with his skating lessons as well, passing his first badge and beginning to move faster across the width of the ice each week. We're still working on his attitude, but he is his mother's son afterall.

Braylon survived his first trip to the dentist - where I was relieved to find out his two-year-old molars are in fact hiding out in his gums, ready to burst through in the next few months. His language has really developed as well, and he is making friends easily at daycare. He continues to be more active than Isaiah ever was, tuning out cartoons in favour of play and being physical at every opportunity. He is still a ham, and still stubborn as hell, but man is he ever a cutie!!

Caleb has probably been the one to change the most significantly, though his verbal skills continue to be delayed. I have noticed recently that he tries to vocalize sounds, but he has never been one to attempt to repeat the things you are asking him to say. I am sure it has something to do with having two older brothers speak for him, so it's not yet cause for concern. Not when other kids I know were nearly two before language became an outlet for expressing ideas. A week or so ago he moved up from the Infant room at daycare to the Toddler room, and though small in stature, he is better fit with an older-age peer group. His level of play has changed, and his dependency on his soother has diminished, thankfully! He is still pretty sucky and cuddly, in fact all three are mama's boys - he clings desperately to me each morning at dropoff despite having done it for two months now - but he is also becoming a little boy whose personality emerges more so each day.

So that's an update, in a nutshell. There is so much more to say but for the sake of time and other priorities, that's what you get for now. Hope you're still out there, reading audience! I leave you with a thought a friend of mine posted on Facebook today: "I am the author of my own life..." and what an unbelievable chapter is unfolding before me!! I hope you'll stay tuned...

Life After Love: Five Months Later

Okay, so many of you are likely wondering how we're doing, five months into this new life. I've had a great deal on my plate, and still do, and there have been countless times I've wanted to blog to vent my frustrations especially. But I have decided I'd like to keep this as positive as possible, because that is what I need right now. Particularly right now.

Things are crazy busy at work, as is to be imagined. The move has really only shortened my drive by 10 minutes, so I am on the road for nearly 2 hours/day. Time with the boys becomes a priority in the evenings, so I am behind... but I don't really care. I care about getting myself and my boys through this.

Although I have no clue what the other side will look like, or whether or not I'll know I'm there. This is my life, my reality, I'm living now. Maybe it will always be this way. Who knows? I hate to think I'm going to feel this lonely all my life, feel this great void. I hate to think that maybe, just maybe, my husband didn't love me all along, and that I had a false conception of love as a result. Possible.

There are definitely highs and lows, and as of Saturday things have hit another low... so it's difficult to stay positive. Perhaps I shouldn't have chosen this moment to blog an update, especially as I feel the invasive eyes of my student teacher looking over my shoulder from the table behind me. So... I'll blog later, when I have time!! Haha, that's a joke!!

Just wanted to let you know I'm still alive...

Adding Insult to Injury

Every day this shit gets worse. When is it going to end? I can't do this much longer. I am strong, but I can't handle much more. Greg continues to add insult to injury, with a stone cold heart. This is all too much.

Today the boys and I were invited to Greg's cousin's son's baptism, and under the impression Greg wasn't going to be there, we mustered the strength to go. I am friends with Greg's cousin Janice, and I wanted to be there for her. And my boys love their cousins and their family. They miss them. But then, as I'm going out to get the stroller for Caleb after the baptism, Greg shows up. Wearing a shirt his girlfriend, whom he left me for, bought him. Of all the fucking shirts in his closet, are you kidding me? I know I'm upset because my heart is still very broken, and sure, his entire family will see it as overreacting that we left - and he'll play it that way. But are you fucking for real Greg?

He wants us to be friends but he refuses to end the relationship (which JUST ended not even a week ago - apparently ended, who even knows if it did, or if it will end for good THIS time) with Amanda. He is so insensitive to my emotions about all of this. He is stone cold, heartless. And I have nothing more to say. Once I can be severed completely from him, maybe then I can heal. What an ass.